Jane’s Change of Plans Hypnobabies Hospital Birth
Madeline made her appearance peacefully and joyfully… and surprisingly at 12:04 am.
“The nurse went to adjust it (I had a peanut ball between my legs, laying on my side), and said “oh! There’s her head! It’s almost out!” (I had been telling people I felt pressure down low and had even told my husband to see if he saw her head because I thought I felt it with my fingers, but he couldn’t tell and the nurses were just convinced I couldn’t be progressing that quickly lol.)”
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We got scheduled for a 7 am induction which meant a 5:30 rise time and 9:45 start time with Pitocin. Even though my last (non-Hypnobabies) birth involved a bad experience with Pitocin I was confident that I was more prepared to relax my body this time around because of my Hypnobabies practice. I’d been having weeks of prodromal experiences and was pleased with how manageable the sensations had always been.
My doctor dosed me low and slow, and it seemed like my body would respond with stronger waves (Hypnobabies word for contractions) each time but then settle down. I was unsure if this was because of my hypnosis or if my body just wasn’t progressing. In the afternoon I decided I wanted to be checked. The previous two checks I’d had (at my doctor appt. and when I started pit) were comfortable with my Release cue (Hypnobabies cues to instantly enter hypnosis) so I really wasn’t worried about it.
Well, my doctor checked and through my headphones I heard her say we were in about the same place as that morning but couldn’t make out the rest of what she said. But this time the check felt different, almost aggressive. Then a wave came on and she still had her fingers on my cervix, and it was awful. I wasn’t expecting it at all and couldn’t relax through it. After the wave was over, she pulled out and I ripped my headphones off and asked what she had been saying because I couldn’t hear. Turns out she manipulated something about the direction of my cervix opening during my wave saying it would help me progress.
Things – in a sense – went downhill from there. I never got over that discomfort she caused and got pretty emotional and scared each time a wave came on. Then the mobile monitors I’d been using and loving stopped working, so I had to be hooked up by cords to the machine. Because of this I couldn’t stay on the toilet which was the only comfortable place I could find. I was running out of energy (it had been over 12 hours since I’d gotten to eat more than a snack behind the nurse’s back). I was getting pretty emotional and was hoping that meant Transformation (Hypnobabies word for transition) was upon me but as time went on, I doubted that was the case.
I eventually told my doctor and my husband I knew I could technically still do it without an epidural, but I didn’t think it was worth it anymore. She said she’d check me one more time to see if it was transformation or not, and I agreed. I’d dilated 2 more cm than I was when I got to the hospital, and I decided I needed the epidural. My body had just started the shaking that made my first birthing experience miserable.
Until the moment we decided to get the epidural I had not realized how completely terrified I was to get one this time. Last time my baby’s heart rate had dropped, when I got one and I was almost wheeled into an OR for an emergency c section. But they got her heart rate back to normal and I still birthed vaginally a few hours later. All of that flooded back in that moment of deciding to get the epidural and I realized I was so terrified that we’d lose my baby if I got one this time. My doctor assured me that based on how Maddy had been doing up to this point she was confident she’d be fine, and said they’d give me the medication more gradually t
han usual. I just couldn’t stop sobbing from all the emotion. I used the imagery from the Change of Plans (Hypnobabies script for when there is a change in birthing plans) script to try to put these emotions in boxes in a closet and that helped me not completely lose it, but I think that was the scariest moment of my life.
My baby was fine, and I got the rest and relief I needed. I also think that as I continue to process and just feel my feelings about that moment, I will find healing for my first birth experience as well as for that moment. I no longer have to fear epidurals for any subsequent births I may have.
I had lost my Hypnobabies birth, but I still got the birth I actually wanted! About an hour after the epidural the nurse helped me flip positions in bed, then came back soon after because she needed to adjust the baby’s monitor. She’d moved and they weren’t picking up the heartbeat. The nurse went to adjust it (I had a peanut ball between my legs, laying on my side), and said “oh! There’s her head! It’s almost out!” (I had been telling people I felt pressure down low and had even told my husband to see if he saw her head because I thought I felt it with my fingers, but he couldn’t tell and the nurses were just convinced I couldn’t be progressing that quickly lol.)
So the nurse threw on one glove, pushed a help button and grabbed my sweet girl to hold her up for me to see her. My husband said it looked like our girl army crawled out all by herself. The nurses were all rushing in to help and were all so sweet and happy it kept the environment one of celebration and not panic. I was so calm and thrilled that I’d gotten the no-pushing birth I had desired (pushed four hours with my first one).
I had a small tear my doctor came in to stitch up, and because of the epidural I didn’t feel a thing and could just effortlessly enjoy my baby girl during that and during all the pushing on my belly that comes after birth. I was rested, pain free, and had my baby on my skin and it was just what I wanted. Nobody was watching the time she was born, and it was right over midnight, so they actually gave us the choice of which day to call her birthday. 😂 I had wanted her to have the birth date 04/04/2020, but my husband and I were pretty sure it was just past midnight, so we stuck with 4/5/2020. Turns out it was Palm Sunday, which is perfect. 🙂
I think Hypnobabies gave me the confidence I needed to try a natural birth again, it helped me get as far as I did, and it helped me to experience weeks of practice waves with excitement and no discomfort. I also noticed during the 24hrs after delivery my body would go into deep relaxation when I experienced more intense aches and discomfort- something I attribute to my Hypnobabies practice.
Thanks for reading my long story and for all the support I’ve gotten from this group. This is a stressful time to give birth but let me tell you it makes you even more happy to snuggle your ray of sunshine in these difficult times. ❤️