Hypno-Baby Arwen Estelle’s Birth Story – by Kristin L.
8 pounds, 13 ounces; 21 ½ inches long
Arwen’s birth story begins long before her conception… it begins even before her older brother’s birth 2 ½ years before. Her birth story starts when I was 3 ½ and witnessed my baby brother’s home birth. I was a doula at his birth – bringing my mom cold washcloths, lying beside her, holding her hand. I loved that birth and have been hooked ever since. I even sculpted the human uterus and developing baby in the three trimesters of pregnancy in 7th-grade art class. Then my world got a major shock when, as a freshman in high school, I was told I would not be able to conceive or carry a baby to term (they told me I was missing an ovary and had a septate uterus with a very high chance of miscarriage). I cried when I saw pregnant women at the mall, and had to have ‘the talk’ with serious boyfriends – telling them that I may not be able to have children. Part of me always felt sad and angry, but when I met my husband and we became engaged, he said, “Have faith! Things will work out!” And they did.
It was a huge surprise and delight to find out I was pregnant with our son Soren – 3 pregnancy tests just to be sure! We had decided we would start trying but had assumed it would take a long time… lo and behold, we conceived the one and only time we didn’t try NOT to get pregnant – what a wonderful miracle! With that pregnancy, I chose a high-risk OB to keep my baby “safe.” I was terrified of a miscarriage and wanted/needed an expert to tell me how to carry to term. And with bleeding at 6 & 20 weeks, I was scared. Scared to exercise, scared to eat, etc. Wanting desperately this baby I’d been told I would never have. I did carry him to term (39 & 5) and had an unmedicated birth – I had 30 hours of back labor, but I was so well supported at home I felt very safe and unafraid.
My Mom and Dad helped us at home and we had a lovely 1st stage… walking the river trail near our home, dozing, cooking, more walking, tub time, massage, and lots of kneeling over the ball with counter pressure. I felt very supported and loved. We checked into the hospital at 9cm… he was born 40 minutes later at 8 lb 4 oz. All in all it was a great birth – but the second stage and third stages were rushed. I never felt the urge to push, and felt like an inconvenience to the staff for not pushing hard/fast enough. I didn’t know the doctor had cut an episiotomy until I saw the suture kit after the birth and asked what was going on. All in all though, it was a great first birth experience, and I felt proud of myself and my body. Nursing went well, and I felt a healing in my heart, knowing that my body WAS capable of carrying a healthy baby to term.
After Soren’s birth, I became a childbirth educator, DONA-certified doula, Hypnobabies instructor, and hypno-doula. In planning our second pregnancy and birth, I knew strongly that I wanted things to be different this time around – no fear-based ‘what if’s’ – no impersonal appointments, no 45 minute wait times for a 10-minute visit, no caregivers yelling at the birth or trying to diminish my power. For me, it was much more about prenatal care and love than where I pushed my baby out – I attend lots of beautiful, wonderful births at our local hospital here as a doula and wasn’t afraid of birthing at the hospital, but I very much wanted the midwifery model of care for my pregnancy and knew that to get what I really wanted, I needed a homebirth. I hired a local homebirth midwife I liked, trusted, and respected. I had been charting my cycles and knew before missing my period that we had conceived… I saw the tri-phasic pregnancy pattern on day 18 and told her I was pregnant (got the pregnancy test the following day or two to confirm what I already knew).
I used Hypnobabies Pregnancy Affirmations from the very early days of my pregnancy. This helped a lot to ease my fears of miscarriage with this pregnancy. Although the fear was still present, it was much different this time around. Now, I trusted my body. My body was my friend, not my enemy. My midwife had confidence in my body too. She treated me like a person – never kept me waiting, returned my phone calls personally and promptly, and was as excited as I was about this baby.
I went to my Hypnobabies Instructor training in April, and loved the training – especially since I could actually imagine MY baby while doing the practice scripts. When we did the bubble of peace script (a Hypnobabies hypnosis session) in the training, I was delighted to find my friend and back-up doula, Merka, was the first person in my bubble of peace. I called her from Tennessee to ask her to be my doula at my birth. At the training, I also named the baby… we didn’t know at the time if the baby was a boy or a girl, so I named her “Neshemele” which is a Hebrew name meaning “Beloved Little Soul.” Nesheme is the Hebrew word for spirit, soul, or breath, and the ‘le’ ending is an affectionate diminutive. It came from the book “My Grandfather’s Blessings” which is one of my favorites. I loved the idea that this precious child already had a soul – and that she was deeply loved already. We found out at our 20-week ultrasound that most likely she was a girl, and we continued to use Neshemele as her nickname throughout the pregnancy.
I felt a deep sense of connectedness with the baby growing inside me… when people would ask me how I was doing, I almost felt surprised, wanting to answer, “WE are great!” because I felt like there was more than one of us that needed to answer. One postpartum visit I mentioned to my midwife that “we took a bath last night” (speaking of me and the baby) because I felt her to be so very present as another person with me at all times. I talked with her a lot and we talked about the pregnancy, about me looking forward to our birthing time together, how excited I was to hold her and nurse her and get to know her. I definitely had a sense of “We-ness” that brought me a lot of joy. I think this is due a lot to the Hypnobabies encouragement to name the baby, and the especially the “Special Place” and “Visualize Your Birth” CDs that really bring the baby into the picture.
My husband David helped me with the Hypnobabies scripts – we followed the same schedule my students do – a script every-other-night for six weeks during the 2nd trimester, then maintenance reading until the birth. I also listened to scripts on CD on my own, and my son and I listened to the pregnancy affirmations in the car (how many two-year olds do you know that ask for the “Pregnancy Affirmations” when being strapped into their carseats!?). One thing that really resonated with me was the Empowering, Beautiful “What Ifs” rather than scary, negative ones. I kept telling myself, “What if everything goes perfectly!?” and living my life as though that was already a reality. I told everyone how much I was looking forward to my birthing time and how excited I was about the entire experience. I wanted Soren at the birth with us if he wanted to be there, and we watched several water birth videos together, including “I watched my brother be born at home.” I taught him to say “Peace” and “Relax” to me (Hypnobabies cues), and we practiced sounds that Mamas make during their birthing time (lots of deep, slow breathing, sighing, gentle moaning, and then aaahhh pushing). NO Screaming or yelling. We talked about how wonderful the birthing time would be and how wonderful our bodies are. I knew we’d been talking about birth enough when one day during my third trimester, he held up an udon noodle during lunch and said, “This is like an umbilical cord!”
I visualized my birth a lot, and told my birthing team about it. In my ideal birth visualization, I would wake up on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday morning to early pressure waves. My thought with this was that I’d have time to call my parents (who live in Washington) so that they had time to make the 6-hour drive down to Bend. Also it would be ideal because we could have family time together early in my birthing time, then my son Soren (2 ½ years old) would take his afternoon nap just as I needed to do more concentration, so I could use my hypnosis without distraction while he slept. So I visualized my birthing waves becoming stronger during his nap time so I could listen to my CDs and get in my hypno-rhythm, then have enough time for Soren to wake up and adjust to the birthing time, and then give birth around dinner-time. I imagined 6:30pm as the ideal time for her to be born. What I liked about this vision was it gave my parents plenty of time to get here for the birth, I had quiet time alone with my husband while our son slept, and everyone (including me and my midwife!) had a good night of sleep before and after the birth. I even included drinking my favorite chocolate milkshake (homemade in our blender) after the birth in my visualization. Everyone thought this sounded like a good plan, but laughed at me when I told them that Friday, Saturday, or Sunday would be perfect and that they should plan on it happening just that way.
Somehow I expected my little girl to arrive before her ‘guess date’ – Soren had been 2 days early, and I had been having a lot of warm-up birthing waves, so I was surprised to see my guess date come and go and still no baby. I listened to the “Baby Come Out” CD every day but didn’t feel terribly impatient… just eager to meet my sweet girl! My parents had the weekend after my guess date free, so they drove down on a Thursday afternoon to join us for the weekend. I met them after work and we went for a walk along the river to the park for Soren to play. As we walked, I started having regular pressure waves – every 15 minutes – but they were easy and light and I walked and talked through them. This went on again on Friday and again on Saturday – we would go for a walk – I’d have pressure waves every 15 minutes, and then they would stop about an hour after the walk.
I felt discouraged, because I very much wanted to have the baby while my parents were there. They had been present at Soren’s birth and I loved having them there – and wanted them at this little girl’s birth too.
Mom read me the Hypnobabies “Baby Come Out” script that afternoon. Janette (my midwife) came to my house on Saturday for a prenatal appointment. I had avoided any vaginal exams up until now, trusting that my body knew what it was doing, but now I asked her to check me, because I wanted to do SOMETHING. My cervix was 75% effaced and I was dilated to 1.5 cm, which melted to 2cm as she checked me. I asked her to strip my membranes, and used my “PEACE” cue and literally didn’t feel a thing. Baby was at 0 station – very very low – and sitting just a little bit behind my cervix.
That night I had a burst of energy that made my Dad laugh – I decided we needed to re-arrange Neshemele’s room and asked my parents to move the dresser and re-arrange the closet to make more room for her stuff. Then I cleaned out the freezer. They laughed that I was ‘nesting’ and I told them I was just getting stuff done while I had lots of help with them around. Dave wasn’t feeling well (sore throat) and went to bed early.
I listened to my Visualize Your Birth CD that night while falling asleep. I had pressure waves every 60 minutes throughout the night – they were very regular but very light and easy, just enough to wake me up a bit. Early in the morning I listened to my Fear Release CD.
Sunday morning, October 12th dawned just as I had imagined – I cuddled in bed beside my husband and listened to my Birthing Day affirmations. My pressure waves were now coming every 30 minutes, and I felt tightening low and deep in my belly. Dave stayed in bed because he wasn’t feeling well. Soren, Mom, Dad and I had breakfast together and then Dad went to church.
While Dave was resting, Mom, Soren and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. It was cold enough for gloves and a hat, but pretty. Soren was in the stroller and Mom pushed it… I walked beside. I had one pressure wave at our mailbox that made me stop to breathe, then we walked on down the Reed Market hill towards the Old Mill district. Mom asked me to teach her a lullaby that I sing to Soren… I sang it to her once and then we sang it together two times. I remember thinking, “This can’t really ‘be it’ if I can sing a song through a few times without having a pressure wave!” But the pressure waves still came every 15 minutes, nice and regularly, so I called my doula Merka and my midwife to let them know that we’d probably be having a baby today, but not for awhile. Every 15 minutes, about 1 minute long, but no bloody show and quite easy.
Around 11:45 I had lasagna left-overs for lunch and watched part of “Finding Nemo” with Soren. Everyone had lunch. I found myself too distracted with the movie – it was too loud and stressful for me - and went upstairs to try and nap. I could still hear Soren downstairs and soon came down to tell everyone to put him to bed for his afternoon nap! Dave put Soren to sleep, and I listened to my Hypnobabies Deepening CD, but found I didn’t want to be alone in bed… I wanted people around me. So I went downstairs to the couch for company. With Soren sleeping, I decided to put in my Birthing Guide CD – really great stuff! I got really relaxed on the couch but needed to vocalize a bit so used my Center switch (Hypnobabies technique) to be able to do that. As the pressure in my belly increased with pressure waves, I imagined all the tightness dissipating as I breathed/sometimes moaned out loud since it felt good to do that. I decided to just stay in Center switch so that I could make noise if I wanted to.
I called Merka again to give her an update – every 12-15 minutes, 1-2 minutes long, still no bloody show. I decided to cook for my birth team. I put out fresh grapes, bananas, crackers, and preparing a cheese and hummus tray. I was enjoying the project but needed to stop and lean on the counter (using my center switch) for pressure waves. Soon I didn’t feel totally safe with the knife and asked Dad to help me finish.
I moved to the couch and asked Dave to come and read me birth prompts and press on my forehead during pressure waves. Dad started filming. There was a long stretch of time (15 min) between the birthing waves and Dave and I laughed and joked between them.
Soon I moved to the birthing ball to rock, and Mom did healing touch during pressure waves while I hummed and moaned my birthing song (not in pain, just somehow the sound really helped alleviate the pressure). The sounds I was making were so low and deep that Mom wondered if I was pushing (NO!). Dad wanted to fill the birth tub and wondered why the midwives weren’t here yet. I felt like I had so much further to go that I was really annoyed with both of them and told them that baby wasn’t coming yet.
I called Merka to tell her that my parents were driving me crazy (something that doesn’t usually happen). I went upstairs to my bed for some quiet time, and Dave crawled into bed with me. He still wasn’t feeling great, and would fall asleep between pressure waves, snoring a little because of his cold. I would wake him with my humming/moaning during each pressure wave, and he would wake up, put his hand on my forehead, and read me birth prompts. I loved this quiet time of cuddling and resting and felt very relaxed and safe. At some point Soren woke up, and Dad took him for a walk so the house was quiet.
I wanted to call Sita (one of our Hypnobabies instructors in Atlanta who I trained with) to talk with her about my birth (beginning to doubt myself, guessing myself to still be very early in my birthing time) but I realized I couldn’t talk on the phone long enough now to make that easy to do. I called Merka and asked her to come check on me. I felt I had a long way to do (still no bloody show and still 15 minutes apart) but it was becoming more challenging to stay really relaxed through the pressure waves. I thought getting into the tub would help – assuming I had at least 12 hours to go before baby and that we’d have lots of time to warm up the hot water heater again. I felt another pressure wave building as I was talking with Merka, so said ‘Gotta go’ and hung up on her.
We filled the tub upstairs, and I got in… afraid it was too early but needing to center myself a bit. Mom came up with me and the water felt SO Good! Soren was awake and back from his nap, and headed upstairs to say hi. He was so sweet and cute, and wanted to help with the birth so much… so he poured warm water on my back with a pitcher. I invited him into the tub with me, so he climbed on in. This was a lovely part of the birthing process – playing with my toddler as my little daughter prepared for her entrance to the world. Soren poured water on my back and blew water bubbles and splashed and laughed. I had discovered while sitting on the toilet before getting into the tub that if I did the belly lift, the pressure in my low abdomen almost felt like it disappeared, so with each pressure wave, I started doing the belly lift. It felt so much better, I hardly felt the tightening anymore. I was very comfortable.
Merka arrived shortly thereafter (I wasn’t expecting her, but was delighted to see her). Soren got out of the tub and got dressed, and Merka took over for my Mom, reading me birth prompts, breathing with me, and stroking my back and pouring water on me, with my birthing day affirmations playing in the background. She had taken my Hypno-Doula workshop just a few weeks before, and had attended one other hypno-birth with me as a team birth, but this was her first real hands-on experience as a hypno-doula. She was awesome… breathing with me, whispering PEACE, and being so warm and positive and nurturing. I got more and more relaxed and quiet, doing the belly lift with each pressure wave (still in center switch, which was working great), then resting and relaxing between them… Merka observed that the pressure waves were very close together now that I was doing the belly lift (3 minutes apart) and long, so asked permission to call the midwife. Of course I said yes. We got out of the tub and I decided to go to the bathroom…. And FINALLY… bloody show!!! I told her I was officially in my birthing time now.
Janette arrived, and Aria, her assistant. I had gotten dressed and moved to my bedroom, on my knees and rocking over the birth ball while Merka read me birth prompts and I relaxed. I remember being aware of people moving around me, but they were so quiet and respectful, I didn’t feel it necessary to open my eyes too much. Between one birthing wave I opened my eyes to see my midwife on the floor in front of me with a smile on her face. “Hi” I said, “Nice to see you!” She checked baby’s heartbeat and all sounded great. Another pressure wave, and then I felt a lot of pressure in my cervix… I told Janette I thought my water was going to break. Dave said, “Not on the carpet! Go in the bathroom!” but I didn’t want the cold tile under my knees so we got a chux pad and put it beneath me. My water stayed intact but the feeling of pressure remained. Another pressure wave – this time I felt a bit nauseated and felt trembling in my legs. Merka did the ‘down and out’ massage down my back and to my thighs, which helped. I felt very calm and relaxed, and very internally focused. I was giving myself deepening and peace cues throughout which were great, so other than my quiet deep breathing, all was silent.
I felt a lot of pressure down low, and asked for pressure on my low back to help counter that pressure.
I asked them to fill the birth tub and light the candles on my birth altar, and heard the water running downstairs. I decided to go to the bathroom again and brush my teeth (my breath was bad and I was afraid of breathing all over everyone with foul breath). As I was brushing my teeth, I felt the urge to push. Merka told me “You have time” which I repeated to myself like a mantra while brushing my teeth: “I have time, I have time, I can wait, I can wait…”. Then she put her hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes, and reminded me to put on my bubble of peace, because when we went downstairs, there were going to be more people and more things going on, and it was time for me to stay internal, stay focused, stay quiet, and that my bubble of peace would help me. I rested my forehead against her, and imagined my bubble of peace around me very strongly. I came out of the bathroom and saw one of our local certified nurse midwives standing there (I had invited her, last minute, to the birth as an observer, since she practices in the hospital and doesn’t often see home births). I smiled at her and told her “Welcome!” And then moved downstairs to birth my sweet babe.
I paused once on the stairs for a pressure wave, then another just outside the tub. All the candles on my birth altar were glowing beautifully. I felt another pushy pressure wave but waited until I was undressed and in the tub, telling myself, “I have time… I can wait… I can wait…. I can wait.” Hands helped undress me, and I crawled into the birthing tub. The water was the perfect temperature, but not very deep since we hadn’t had a lot of time to fill it and the water tank was re-heating. I took the same position I’d had upstairs – on my knees, leaning forward. Merka was in front of me, and put on my Hypnobabies ‘Pushing Baby Out” CD right next to me. She was doing a good job with the prompts but I found I wanted my husband’s voice in my ear. So I called for him and he came and knelt in front of me, reading birth prompts with his hand on my shoulder.
Merka pressed on my back, and Mom and Dad held Soren. He was so excited, but very quiet and respectful. I felt another pressure wave, and pushed “Aaahhh” – it felt SO GOOD to push! I reached up inside and felt her head, just two knuckles away. I told everyone, “I feel her head!” and then had another pressure wave. I pushed again – with every push, I felt her moving down – I felt strong and powerful and totally in control, feeling every little sensation and being so in touch with my body. I whispered, “Peace… peace…. Peace”, and that was the only sound in the room. I was feeling very calm and comfortable. With the next pressure wave, I felt a “POP” – the one time I really felt something “painful” – it was powerful and strong and fast and unexpected - I said – “something just popped,” and Janette reassured me that it was just my water releasing and that everything was fine.
Dave wanted to add more water to the tub since he thought it was hot again, but I didn’t want the noise and motion in the water – I was so focused and everything was working so well, I didn’t want any extra distractions, so I told him “no thanks… let’s wait…” I pushed again with the next birthing wave, felt her head moving down, and reached down to feel her fuzzy hair on my perineum – I told them she had a lot of hair and that I felt her beginning to crown. I loved being the one who knew what was going on – the one reporting to everyone else – rather than them telling me what was going on. So different than with Soren’s birth… this time I felt SO in touch with my body, so aware of what was going on, so comfortable and safe and confident, feeling my baby and my body working together in perfect harmony.
I hardly noticed. I rested between pressure waves, then pushed again and felt a real crowning, which I reported. I rubbed her fuzzy head gently and waited, talking to her in my mind and telling her how excited I felt to meet her, whispering “Peace” out loud as Dave pressed on my shoulder, deepening my anesthesia. Soren whispered, “I see the baby!” My midwife asked me to turn, so I turned from my knees to my bottom, sitting on the inflated stool in the tub. The water was shallow and part of the baby’s head was out of the water. If I’d pushed again then, we would have risked double-dipping her, so she asked me to stand. I stood up (thinking – do we have a shoulder dystocia?) but feeling very calm and relaxed, knowing it was going to work out.
Janette told me to push again (between pressure waves to deliver her head). I pushed between the pressure waves, felt my body open even more, and my sweet little girl was born quickly. I reached down and caught her and lifted her to my chest. She was warm and soft and oh, so beautiful. I sat down again on the stool, holding my precious warm baby in my arms. I whispered, “Hi” and “Hello, sweet one” several times, holding her in my arms. I poured warm water over her, and someone handed me a towel. Her eyes were open and she looked up at me. We sat there, falling in love all over again, and eventually I peeked between her legs to be sure she was a girl – she was!
She had a short umbilical cord, and as soon as it was done pulsating I climbed out of the tub (there was a separation gush that told us it was time to get out and deliver the placenta). Mom held Neshemele, and I crawled over the tub and onto the birth stool, with a big bowl underneath. I took my baby back, then cut the cord myself (something I was really excited about doing this time around – I didn’t want anyone else to sever our connecting cord… it was important to me emotionally that I be the one to decide when and how to cut the umbilical cord). I birthed the placenta easily and gently, but was bleeding quite a bit.
My midwife said to me, “I need you to tell your body to stop bleeding, or we might need to talk about other options. I have pitocin if we need it.” I handed Neshemele to my husband, then started doing nipple stimulation as I closed my eyes. I breathed in deeply to a count of four, then out to a count of eight, and told my body, “I’m done being pregnant. Now it is time to stop bleeding.” And I talked to my uterus, asking it to surge and tighten, and visualized all the blood vessels clamping down and my uterus shrinking normally, my bleeding slowing… and my midwife looked up at me and said, “Well, you did it! Your bleeding is totally under control!”
I cozied down on the couch and reached for my precious little bundle, and she nursed and we snuggled. We did go ahead with some pitocin eventually… even though my bleeding was minimal, my uterus felt boggy (which had also happened at Soren’s birth) so we did do a shot of pitocin… I visualized my anesthesia and painting it on just before she put the needle in my thigh and turned my mental lightswitch off, and it worked great. The midwifery team examined the placenta and made a placenta print for me. Soren was very intrigued and watched carefully. My dad brought me the chocolate milkshake I’d been craving.
The CNM was very impressed with the entire thing – she’d only witnessed a few home births, and none that were so calm and quiet. What tickled me completely was that our sweet babe was born at 6:57pm on a Sunday… only 27 minutes after the 6:30pm time and a week later to the day than I’d visualized! It had happened EXACTLY as I had imagined – starting in the early morning on a weekend, building up around lunchtime, with baby born at dinnertime, with a full night of sleep before and after for everyone. She weighed 8 pounds, 13 ounces, and 21 ½ inches long. I delivered her over an intact perineum except for a teeny tiny ‘skid mark’ that didn’t need a single stitch.
By 12 days she was almost a pound over her birth weight, so breastfeeding is going great too. Her name is Arwen Estelle L. and she is SO wonderful. My postpartum healing is amazing everyone, including myself and my midwife (yes, I’m listening to my Hypnobabies ‘After Baby Comes’ CD)! And Arwen is such a contented and happy baby. And I can tell all my students from first-hand experience: HYPNOBABIES ROCKS!
~ Kristin L, Bend, OR
